Offensive
by ScarlettsFuneral
Summary: Sort-of-sequel to April Fools Day. Near hates a new Youtube video because it brings back old memories... I wonder why... Read and review!


**A/N: This is the sort-of-sequel to April Fools Day! You don't need to read the first one, but you should! Well, here it is! Please review!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

Near sat in the SPK headquarters, staring intently at one of the numerous computer monitors around the room. On the monitor was… a dancing sheep. 

"Gevanni! Rester! May I inquire the reason there is a dancing sheep on the computer screen?" Near asked irately. Said two coworkers glanced at each other sharing a look that asked "which one of us is going to tell him? He's scary when he's mad." both were now frightened of seeing Near angry, after witnessing Near explode at Misa and Mikami the week before when they -somehow- managed to get into the building and play an April Fools Day prank on Near.

Flashback:

"Screw you, bitch!" Near finally snapped at Misa, and threw Optimus Prime at full force at her head, hard enough to make her stumble backwards and fall over. Megatron was launched at Mikami's head, said mental patient failing to dodge the projectile, and he was also bowled over by the tiny robot.

"Aw! He's mentally retarded!" Mikami said like he hadn't just been hit in the head hard enough to knock him to the floor.

That was where Near drew the final line. **"I'M L'S **_**SUCCESSOR**_**! My IQ is over 250! I'm **_**NOT **_**IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, RETARDED!"**

"April Fools, Near!" Misa and Mikami shouted as loud as they could in unison.

"…." Near glowered at them.

"Near? What's wrong?" Misa asked, entirely naiveté.

"… It is April second," Near growled.

Mikami just looked at the other boy awkwardly. "Well, shit."

End flashback

Rester and Gevanni had been in the doorway, watching the entire thing go down, and were both absolutely terrified of a livid Near, and of flying Transformers.

Halle came into the room, and upon hearing Near's question, she took matters into her own hands to answer, since she also saw that Gevanni and Rester had been staring into space for at least the past three minutes, and Near was looking at them as if he was contemplating hiring a psychiatric doctor. "Well, that's a Youtube video showing Nate, the Dancing Sheep."

Near's face darkened at the thought, and then fell when he comprehended what that meant for him. "Why is its name _Nate?_" he asked.

Halle just shrugged. "It's a pretty common name. You know what? It kind of reminds me of you, now that I look at it…"

"Do you know how _offensive _it is?" Near almost shouted. The sudden change from his usual monotone dragged Rester and Gevanni out of their fearful flashbacks.

"What's wrong, Near?" Rester asked. Near just glared at him, and Rester inwardly flinched. Guns? He could handle them. Bombs and other explosives? Just fine. Evacuating an enormous building while it's surrounded by thousands of furious people who are all trying to break in and kill everyone? Easy as pie. A little albino genius who looks like he's about ten years old slightly glaring at him? Makes him flinch and scares him half to death.

"There is a dancing sheep on the monitor," Near pointed out once again.

"… Yes. Yes there is," Gevanni answered hesitantly.

Near continued his rant over fluffy, white mammals. "When I was a child, Mello used to always call me "Sheep Boy." Actually, he had a list of comebacks, but none of them were too good. They mainly included:

"White haired bastard!"  
"Transformer wanna-be!"  
"Toy otaku!"  
"You call yourself 18? You look 5, 7 at best!"  
"Do you ever move? Do you know what your legs are for, dumb-ass?"  
"Are you totally retarded or are you half retard, half bitch?"  
"OH MY GOD, NEAR! YOU'RE KIRA!"  
"What kind of name is 'Nate Rivers'? Seriously, your first name sounds like 'Gnat' and your second name reminds me of a pond I once pushed Matt in."  
And finally:  
"You have lost the game, sheep-child."

"And that is why I cannot stand that dancing sheep," Near finished, going back to the robots he was playing with.

Rester, Halle, and Gevanni just looked at Near as if all of the toys around him had just come to life and began to try to kill him. "…." Halle tried, but failed, to speak. Instead, she just muttered to herself, "Well, I'll have to bring this little bit of info up next time I see Mello…" she inwardly laughed. Rester shook his head and left the room.

Gevanni just looked thoughtful. "You know what I've always wondered? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?"

He was answered with a robot to the head. Nate the Sheep kept dancing, and Near turned back to his toys, glowering at the screens while Halle laughed her ass off.

**A/N: Well, there it is. Yeah, I don't know what's going on with Mello. Or that sheep. Please review! **


End file.
